Just A Kiss, That's All
by Zeta Sigma
Summary: What do Howard and Raj think about their ersatz homosexual marriage? Click to find out! Set during/after The Maternal Capacitance. Slash, reviews are rewarded with virtual hugs!
1. Just A Kiss, That's All

Just A Kiss, That's All

By Zeta Sigma

"That's fascinating. Selective mutism is quite rare. On the other hand, an adult Jewish male living with his mother is so common it borders on sociological cliché. You know, both selective mutism and an inability to separate from one's mother can stem from a pathological fear of women. It might explain why the two of you have created an ersatz homosexual marriage to satisfy your needs for intimacy."

Yes, those were the exact words of Leonard's mother, Beverly. Howard gaped at her, blinking like an undereducated Neanderthal that had been zapped with a stun gun and half tempted to glance at Raj and nod his agreement with the proclamation. Sure, the Indian man had serious issues talking to women (alright, so maybe that was a huge understatement… Perhaps they'd all made a slight miscalculation somewhere along the way? Koothrappali could only speak to women when he was severely intoxicated, but when that occurred he was obnoxious and annoying), but he had no problem talking to his friends, so why not? Of course, Raj was supposed to be that guy who everyone just assumes will never have a date, ever, and Howard was… Well, Howard was just Howard. The two would clash, it simply wouldn't work. Even so… Howard couldn't help but feel slightly turned on at the thought of kissing another guy. Then again it _was_ Howard, so he would be.

_Let things play out how they will, _he thought to himself. _Just go with the flow and it'll all turn out fine…_

_Or at least, I hope it will._

XXX

It was wrong, so wrong. Wrong on so many levels.

What was wrong, you ask? Well. As it turns out, Howard's farfetched hypothesis that it would, quote 'all turn out fine' end quote, was most definitely misjudged. How he found himself on top of Rajesh bloody Koothrappali, ramming his cock up the other man's ass was a complete mystery. Harder, faster, and soon they were both yelling, both c-

Howard awoke with a start, sweating profusely and panting and altogether, simply making a mess of the sheets. Now wouldn't _that_ be an interesting discussion he'd be having with his mother: "Oh yeah, sorry ma, my sheets and blankets are covered in semen because I had a wet dream about experiencing sexual intercourse with one of my best friends, Rajesh Koothrappali, who is also a man. Please wash them for me."

Hm. The outcome of said discussion would be unpleasant, probably resulting in his disowning. He'd just have to wash them himself! Besides, a little laundry never hurt anyone, and he loved his ma too much to leave her just yet.

He'd talk to Raj in the morning.

XXX

"Hey, Raj." Howard announced his presence, and the Indian glanced back at his friend, smiled, and returned to whatever new science project he was working on.

"What's up, dude?" Raj asked, tweaking a few things here and there on his current astrological endeavour.

"Oh, nothing much, just… Life of crime…" He joked, sauntering as casually as possible towards his comrade. He laughed nervously. "So… Have _you _given any thought to what Mrs. Hofstadter had to say about our, uh… What was it? 'Ersatz homosexual marriage'?"

Raj snickered and smirked at his colleague.

"Oh yeah. PLENTY of thought." (Howard's pants constricted. Oh God, the innuendos…) "Maybe a little too much, actually…" Raj paused mid-tinker to frown thoughtfully, then resumed his scrutiny of the metal object.

"Sooo… How would you feel about… You know… Kissing another guy?" Howard asked, mildly astounded by how red in the face he was becoming. A result of his embarrassment, surely, but still. Raj stopped abruptly and shifted to stare at the Jewish man. He blinked a couple times.

_Hm, _Howard thought. _He's puzzled. Maybe I came on a little strong…?_

"I don't know. I might kiss you, or Leonard, but not Sheldon. I wouldn't kiss Barry either, but then again, who would? I wouldn't kiss Jackson, but maybe Darien…" Raj listed off the different guys at the lab, caught completely by unawares when Howard grabbed him by the shoulders, spun him around to face him and pressed his lips hard against the Indian man's, then turned and hurried away without another word.

Raj was stunned. No, more than stunned, he was absolutely awestruck. Howard couldn't be… Could he? He hit on girls, but never guys… Definitely not. It was just a kiss, that's all…

…Right?


	2. Unquenched

**Just A Kiss, That's All**  
**THE SEQUEL - Unquenched**  
**Zeta Sigma**

A/N Well, I found myself with nothing to do, and here's the result. Sorry it's so short. It's alive! I think I shall call it... "Unquenched". Whatya think? Please R&R! (Seriously, people. It makes me depressed when you don't review.)

Who knew what Howard's favorite food was? Raj did. Who knew where Howard kept his emergency epinephrine pen? Raj did. Who knew every square inch of Howard's house, including the rarely visited crawlspace they used only twice during Halloween parties? Raj did.

As a fact, Howard's favorite food was secretly a lightly toasted sub with ham, cheddar cheese, tomatoes, lettuce, pickles, peppers, olives and jalapeños, with salt and pepper and a little bit of mustard, which the pair of them occasionally snuck from the university cafeteria to go get.

Howard stashed his emergency epi pen in an embossed dragon box, where it was accompanied by his most prized possession: a collectable Batman action figure. (No, it wasn't _just_ an action figure — it was one of the first of that style, held in the very hands of Lewis Wilson, then passed down to Robert Lowery, then to Adam West, Michael Keaton and then finally, touched the holy hands of Christian Bale. That's one helluva keepsake.)

Howard's crawlspace was so forgotten now — it was the home to many ferocious beasts (like... spiders, and small intimidating rodents), but it was the place Howard, Raj, Leonard and Sheldon held their first ever Halloween party. Of course, the turnout had been pathetic, and after a second attempt — after which they discovered that no beautiful women were ever going to sacrifice their precious time to play strip poker and crawl on all fours in the dirty old underbelly of a nerd's house — Leonard suggested they gave up on the parties and played Halo instead.

As a fact, while Howard found himself lying on his back, staring pointlessly at the ceiling with nothing to do and no hairy mommy backs to wash, he found himself craving Raj's presence. Maybe, just maybe, he was falling in love with Rajesh Koothrappali. Love was such a silly word; defined as "a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person". Being a double-edged blade, love could also simply portend "sexual attraction or copulation". Howard, no matter how many times he mulled it over in his brain and formulated equations to justify his unending and invisible attraction (as the simpleminded common-people would say, his "warm, fuzzy feeling"), couldn't shake the suspicious notion that he was growing more and more attached to his Indian friend.

XXX

"Hey, Bernadette..." Howard greeted the waitress, who flashed him a flirty smile and blushed. "My usual, please."

"No problem, Howard."

It was so obvious that she wanted him. Normally he would've leapt at the chance to have a free fuck, especially from one so sweet and willing. Typical innocent Catholic girls. So why didn't he feel like flirting _back_? He caught a mere glimpse of Raj's scowl, hoping to whatever gods there might be that this was making him jealous. That would indicate that he (maybe, possibly, hopefully) had a "thing" for him, right? Howard could only hope.

"Hey Howard?" Raj said casually, and the other man looked up. "Could I talk to you for a moment?"

"Sure, pal."

They excused themselves. Howard curiously trailed after his friend, following him into an empty classroom. Puzzled, he peered at the other.

"Why so priva-" He was stopped short by a pair of lips on his, hands cupping his neck gently. His eyes fluttered closed, a sick, aroused feeling settling in the pit of his belly. It was just like he'd always dreamed! Intimate, needy, tender and loving, all at once.

Was that what it felt like to be in love?

END


	3. Little Boy Brown

**Little Boy Brown  
Zeta Sigma**

Raj smiled.

He closed his eyes.

The wind rushed through his hair.

He felt like he was flying. He spread out his arms, feeling the air hit him like a brick wall. It was with a sudden, horrible jolt that he realized he wasn't flying…

…He was falling.

But as he looked down, he caught sight of Howard, arms open wide, a soft smile on his lips, and Raj knew everything would be fine.

"I've got you, buddy." He was saying. "I've got you."

Rajesh Koothrappali awoke with a start. It was pitch black, and he hadn't quite regained all senses, so he still had no idea where he was or how he got there. All he knew was that it was the middle of the night, and that he didn't seem to be wearing a shirt.

And there was an arm draped across his chest.

He stared at it. It didn't move. He poked it. A groan was emitted from the figure beside him, and his eyes widened, adjusting to the darkness as the effects of sleep wore off.

"H-Howard…?" Raj whispered hoarsely.

"What." Howard mumbled angrily, his face pressed into the pillow.

"Did we ju-"

"Yes. Go back to sleep."

Raj said nothing more. He simply returned his head to the soft cushion, closed his eyes, and did exactly as Howard instructed.

XXX

"Oh shit. Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit."

On every other regular occasion, Raj didn't swear. Especially not in front of his sister and Penny and his friends. And Bernadette. Bernadette hadn't earned the title of friend yet, since Howard had only just started to date her (which had completely crushed Raj to pieces, not that he was going to admit it).

"Raj, are you okay?" Leonard asked, bushy brows furrowed in an obvious attempt at mentally parting his veil of confusion. "You seem… tense."

What an understatement. He'd _slept_ with _Howard Wolowitz_, who hadn't _bothered_ to _explain_ that he had a _girlfriend_. Not that Raj cared (yeah right). It was fine with Raj (it really wasn't); if Howard wanted to date somebody, it was none of Raj's business (oh, yes it fucking was). The only reason Raj was upset about the whole thing, was because he didn't want to hurt little Bernadette's feelings of trust for Howard (okay, that was a blatant inward lie).

"I am _perfectly okay_, Leonard." Raj squeaked, his voice cracking slightly as he rubbed his forehead nervously and placed a hand on his hip. "Oh shit…"

He caught Howard's look of warning. It was a look that said, 'it was a onetime thing. It didn't mean anything. Let it go.' Raj sighed and gave him a frustrated expression.

"Howard, can I talk to you for a moment?"

Howard seemed skeptical.

"Suuuurrreeeee."

Outside the apartment, Raj slammed Howard into the wall and pressed his face up against the smaller man's.

"_What the hell are you playing at_?" he hissed, completely the opposite of what Howard was expecting (and, secretly, eagerly anticipating). "What if Bernadette finds out we had sex? Aren't you worried about what will happen? She'll be hurt!"

"Oh, don't even dish out that bullshit, Raj. You're not concerned about her at all, are you!" he growled back, and Raj glared.

"Why else would I be here? Why else would I be telling you this?" he countered. Howard shoved him away.

"Look. I'm dating Bernadette. You can't change that. So stop bothering me and leave us alone! I don't and can't love you!" he muttered, turning and striding back into the apartment, leaving Raj stupefied.

XXX

"WILL THE LITTLE BROWN BOY BE JOINING US?" Howard's mother bellowed. Howard bit the inside of his lip.

"NO MA! IT'S JUST US TONIGHT!"

Only when it was too late did Howard hear that Raj had moved back to India with Priya. He'd just… hopped on a plane and left, without even saying goodbye. Leonard had informed him later (by accident), when he was mourning over the loss of his STUPID GIRLFRIEND. Howard didn't particularly like Priya, but because he was (emphasis on the 'was') Raj's friend, he put up with her. And then there was the issue with Bernadette. She'd found out about the sex thing, and, just as Raj had predicted, she was devastated that Howard would even consider partaking in copulation with someone else – especially a man – apart from her while they were dating.

Howard thunked his head repeatedly on the surface of the table, calculating the possibility of Raj returning. It was almost assuredly zilch. He'd said some horrible things to Raj; he wasn't proud of them, but they had affected his friend in ways he could only imagine. No girl had ever been as harsh towards him as he'd been towards Raj.

It was the moment he'd heard about Raj's unexpected departure that he'd realized he was wrong the whole time, that yes, he did in fact love Raj, that he wanted to be with him, that he wanted to be his forever, that nobody else would suffice. He and Bernadette had mutually dumped each other on the spot and Howard had wandered home in the dark. He'd given up the one person who could actually stand his presence, and now that one person was millions of miles away, IN INDIA.

And it was the moment that had occurred to him that he realized he knew what he had to do.

Howard grabbed his coat, hollered a farewell to his mother, and left for the airport.

TBC…

_A/N Yeah yeah, I know. I said when I started writing this story that it was going to be a oneshot. ^^ I was gravely mistaken, and since I've written this chapter, I actually really want to continue it. SO YOU'LL HAVE ONE MORE CHAPTER, but then it's done. :) Keep it ugly, 'til then._


	4. More than That

**More than That; a Short Conclusion  
Zeta Sigma**

_A/N WOW I'M SORRY I SAID I'D FINISH THIS AND THEN I SORT OF DIDN'T… I'm sorry. I'm a tremendous bitch. XD Much love for all the reviews and support… Here's the conclusion. Dundundun._

Raj sighed, staring at the wall.

There was nothing to do in India. His friends were back home, in Los Angeles, probably playing videogames or reading comic books or formulating scientific equations o-

No. LA wasn't his home. His home was in India, with his parents and his sister, as it always had been. Days went by and he tried not to think about Howard, or anything that they'd done together, but it was so hard… He never fully realised how painful it was to up and leave someone without any sort of resolution, with a heavy hate and longing ache in one's heart. It was like trying to cut away from a conjoined twin. A non-related one.

Priya suddenly pounded her fist against the door, pulling him from his thoughts. Without waiting for him to answer she strode in.

"Rajesh, your weirdo friend is here…" she said, and Raj turned to see who was accompanying her.

It was none other than Howard Joel Wolowitz.

Raj's first reaction was to scowl at him, and the second was to grab his light saber from the cluttered surface of his dresser and brandish it fiercely in front of him for protection. Howard raised his hands defensively, genuinely worried about the plastic toy in Raj's hands.

"Hey there…" he muttered quietly. Raj said nothing.

"What are you doing here?" Raj hissed.

"Um… I've come to apologise, beg your forgiveness and plead for you to take me back. And I know that I'm the scum of the earth and I hurt you, and… that I'm not even worthy of your presence…" at this point, Howard's voice began to quaver, and he drew in deep breaths and fidgeted, trying to finish what he was saying. "But god, Raj, I am so,_ so _sorry, and I was an idiot. Worse than that."

Raj tried his best to glare steadily. Howard laughed nervously and swallowed hard, rubbing his sweaty palms together to distract himself.

"You were a right bastard." Raj said at last, lowering his light saber and sheathing it, setting it carefully on the bed. Howard stared at the floor, tears shining in his eyes, gnawing his lip. He nodded in agreement. "And poor Bernadette."

"I-I know, and…" Howard paused. "Dating her made me realise just how strongly I feel about you."

His voice cracked at the last few words and he turned away, hiding his face as he wiped the tears from his eyes. Raj's shoulders slumped; try as he might, he couldn't stay mad at him, but at the same time, he couldn't immediately forgive him for the things he'd said (oh, yes he could).

"I'm sorry." Howard said, clearing his throat and smiling sadly. "I'll just leave, then…"

"You came all the way from LA to India just to tell me this?" Raj verified incredulously. Howard stopped in the doorway. He nodded. "You paid _good money_… to _get on a plane_… and fly _all the way to INDIA_… to talk to me?"

"Yeah." Howard answered.

Raj moved towards the other man. He grinned and put his hand on the back of Howard's neck, pressing their foreheads together affectionately. Their noses touched gently, and Howard smiled, fingers closing around the fabric of Raj's sleeve, at a loss for what to do.

"You're going to have to work for this," Raj informed him.

Howard simply laughed.

"I know."

xxxEndxxx


End file.
